- Have mad hair that desperately needs cutting. Also have morbid fear of hairdressers. Excercising jedi-like self control when anywhere near a pair of scissors.
- Fell over door step whist carrying fish’n'chip supper home one night. Please don’t panic! TheFish’n'chips were fine. My brain knew immediately that superficial wounds to lower limbs were a minimal sacrifice for aforementioned fish supper. I still have the bruise, it is now a nice greeny yellow (nearest web-safe colour would be #cccc99 I would say).
- Have been drinking gallons of fizzy pop that has since been recalled for having dangerously high levels of benzene. Am fully expecting to develop either some sort of super-power or grow an extra body part.
- I still haven’t had ANY success at National Lottery. Hence, still dragging carcas into office on regular basis.
- In quest for Kiera Knighly-like skin and wrinkle-free complexion, have been trying various lotions and potions. Had an adverse reaction to Garnier Eye-Lift… my eye-lids puffed right up like I’d been crying all day and night. Have to say though, that for all the unsightly puffiness there were definately no lines to be seen at all!
- Can’t help noticing I seem to have been a bit prone to the unlucky and unfortunate incident this last week or two. Must try harder to be more ‘lucky’!
I think I’m in for an interesting nights sleep. I have just read the side of the cough medecine I’ve brought – possible side-effects include…
- drowsiness
- elation
- depression
- irritability
- nightmares
Obviously it’s fingers-crossed for 1 and 2. Think I’ll pass on the rest!
I am actually still feeling really quite sick after yesterdays diet of burnt/raw sausages, beer and marshmallows (nothing else)! That’s barbeque’s for you. Tonight though, I have really pushed the boat out and am serving up a Chicken Tonight gastronomic masterpiece which any fine restaurant would be more than happy to serve up (just ask Jacques Chirac). If they would only make the jars a little easier to open it really would be effortless!
Just some of the best rubbish food ever…
- Marmite
- Kit-Kats
- Hob Nobs
- Paxo stuffing
- Peanut butter (crunchy)
- Cream Crackers
- Pea Fritters/mushy peas
- Pasties
If you can find a way of combining all of them into one meal, you should probably book the hospital bed in advance (and invite me over for dinner)!